Few days ago, my sister texted me she heard radio program, there's a guy called in & said his mum was cancer patient at last stage. He took care of him everyday, but his mum chased him away & said if not, she will kill him. The counsellor from the radio station said this is cuz the patient took too much medicine & already damaged her brain. It is not what she mean actually.
Immediately after reading this text, i started to cry. Crying in the office, crying at home, crying for few days. At the same time, my boyfriend also faced some problems in new apartment rental and tenants. I was so down.. why all the people i love so much hurting me so much?
Suffering so few years after mum's death, arguing with family over the house, seeing dad with the mistress, discovered my bf unfaithful... all just happened so fast.. one by one. Even i told myself must be strong, must quickly recover from depression.. but i just failed myself over and over.
After seeing my sister's text, seeing the fortune teller & 1st time crying in front of stranger... 1st time i cried so many days in a row, today suddenly i feel all my sorrow almost gone. Hmm.. still feel there's some sorrow and anger, but 1st time after these years, i feel refresh. 1st time i started to re-feel my spirit coming back. If crying is the way to pour out all my sorrow, then i must be very stupid, i should cry long time ago to release myself.
I hope my auto-recovery system will continue to work for these few days. Crying again for the next few days or whatever.. i hope all my anger and sorrow over these years will all over. From this point, i can only reborn and back to myself again.
Praying hard for myself.
