Where heart belonged to

Already long used to be alone outside, but still feel lonely sometimes.
Ever since fall out with family, i seldom go back "home". I really wonder if it still can be called as home, family, parents... it just suddenly become so hard to speak out of my mouth. The love and the agony are equally strong. I really wonder when my angel and devil will end their war and let me have a clearer mind to face all these mess.
Nowadays going back is not longer an easy job anymore. Have to ask around... sister, brother, friends.. anyone? Anyone who can occupy my time in hometown? Of cuz i miss mum very much, but it won't take long for us start arguing and quarreling. I just need to go back, glance, peek if she is fine as & when i passing by living room, going out or coming back. What kind of daughter i am!! Yes, you must think I am such a heartless daughter. I always cry whenever think of my family, and always cannot understand how she can be so determined. I will never forget what she said, “ Sacrifice you is better than us”. "Family" is always a heart cutting word for me, but again, those people in it are always where my deepest love belonged to.